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Posts tagged Movies
976-EVIL
1852 days
Another “classic” from the horror vault. This one has not aged so well, or maybe it has. I guess it depends on how much you liked the 80′s and how much you want to relive them.
#6 976-EVIL
I can remember watching this movie for the first time on USA’s “Up All Nite” at that time I think it was Rhonda Shear but I could be wrong. Anyway, I can remember even back then thinking how lame a movie this was. Absolutely nothing about it is scary. The main kid that goes by the name of “Hoax” is creepy in that “been living with mama to long” kinda way sure, but not scary. He wants to be a bad ass but can’t because he’s a wuss and gets picked on in high school. When he finds his “Horror-scope” it changes his life, and by changes, I mean he turns into Satan. Yeah that’s pretty much how it goes. The only thing that kept me watching this one was the fact that I love seeing characters from 80′s era horror movies try to “act” during scenes. Hilarious. No redeeming qualities other than that. If you have never seen the movie, don’t bother. Just know that it is slow, not very gory, and barely has a zinger at the end. Also it’s funny to think that back then 976 numbers actually were porn lines and pay per call services… now everything is 800 numbers. Although 976 still apparently hasn’t been given to any particular city as an area code. Maybe because the only thing scarier than the fact they made a movie called 976-EVIL is the fact that it has a sequel.
Machine Girl (DVD Review)
1908 days
Machine Girl is the latest in a long blood-soaked line of Japanese gore movies that have recently been an obsession for me. Given the fact that it stars a Japanese schoolgirl (naturally) with a Gatling gun for an arm, how could I possibly pass this one up? There are not many surprises to be found while watching it, however, there were some great moments during this film.
Got any soy sauce?
This movie begins with the story of a brother and sister struggling to make ends meet and make it through the day without parents. Ami’s brother Yu is getting picked on by a Yakuza boss’ son Sho, and is in debt to him. When Yu tries to pay Yoshie back what little money he has, Sho and his Yakuza friends kill Yu, and his friend Takashi. When Ami finds Yu’s diary that has a list of “People I want to kill” in it, she realizes that Sho was bullying Yu, and more than likely killed him. That is about the only normal part of the movie. From there EVERYTHING gets really strange and ridiculous.
Ami then goes to the police chief’s house to talk with him about his son’s involvement in Yu’s murder. The son denies it, naturally, and his parents literally FREAK OUT. His father attacks Ami with a golf club, seemingly out of no where, and the wife deep fries Ami’s hand in tempura batter and hot oil. Of course, Ami comes back later and ends up killing the entire family in some of the most gruesome and disturbing death scenes I have seen in these movies. Ami stabs the mother in the back of the head with a kitchen knife, which apparently is cause enough for her to literally throw up her intestines. That is just the first of many bloody fights, and NOT where Ami loses her arm.
Carl forgot his shirt... Again!
Next up, Ami confronts none other than the big boss of the Yakuza and his family, which is probably not the best of moves. She is tied up and tortured by both the boss and his wife, who cut off her fingers and let her bleed for a while. Then they lop off her left arm, right around the elbow. That wouldn’t make for a very good ending so, of course, she escapes. Ami stumbles her way to the house of Takashi’s parents. Takashi’s mom [Miki] is none to happy to see her, blaming her for her son’s death, and even though her husband [Suguru] sews up Ami’s arm, Miki wants her out. What’s next? Why not challenge Ami to an arm wrestling match? Sure, I guess. Long story short, Miki helps train Ami to be an efficient killer and Suguru creates the Machine Gun arm that Ami later wields. Then it’s time for them both to take on the Yakuza family and their minions. Lots of crazy battles, lots of blood, a few laughs, and a large body count later, Ami comes out on top. Her lust for revenge has been quenched.
This is another movie that I really can’t tell if it is taking itself seriously or not. Unfortunately, the version that I watched was dubbed and not subtitled, which could have changed the dialogue a lot. I found this film hard to read. There was definitely a lot of blood, geysers of blood even, and some fake body parts, but something was just…off. I can’t put my finger on it.
Seriously, it's a "Drill Bra"
I can’t say that I was surprised to see that they have already made a sequel to it, since they have made one for just about every movie I have seen so far, though I have no idea where the story could possibly go from here. However, it was bloody, it was funny, and it was entertaining. Nonetheless, I am not sure who I would really recommend it to, unless (like me) you really like to watch these types of films. If that is the case, then I highly recommend this movie be added to your collection.
Meatball Machine (DVD Review)
1942 days
Meatball Machine is not so much about “Meatballs” or “Machinery” as it is a timeless love story. A love story between two regular people, set in a land where it’s perfectly normal to have “Power Ranger” type monsters running around fighting each other. So basically it’s an average day in Japan I guess.
The story revolves around a young man Yoji that works in a machine shop (hey there is your “machine”). He does his job goes home, (masturbates apparently) and just lives his life as best he can. Everyday on his lunch break he eats his lunch outside and watches a girl named Sachiko hang out her laundry. They both cut their eyes at each other in this kind of “I know your watching me, watching you” kind of way. It’s cute, and the basis of their budding relationship.
Yay!! Tentacle Monster!!
One day after a friend tries to take out Yoji out for some “fun” he ends up by himself in a theater being hit on by a cross-dresser. Yoji gets up and walks out and tries to avoid the tranny but ends up getting into, and losing, a fight with him/her. He winds up in the garbage and finds… something. Takes it home and does some investigating on “it.” The next night he “rescues” Sachiko from an attempted rape and in the process gets his ass kicked again. They go home to tend to his wounds and she tells him that she has been watching him the whole time he has been watching her… Awwww. They kiss and get ready to do the nasty. Sachiko has a secret though that she shares with Yoji. She was beaten and scared by her father, rather badly and she gets very emotional and upset. This awakens the thing that Yoji found the other night. It attacks her and changes her into a walking host to a rather disgusting parasite. From then on its a battle to win back his love from this thing that has taken over her body.
KA-POW Bitches!!
Cutting to the chase… Yoji finds a crazy Doctor (aren’t they all) and he pretty much lays out the plot behind why these things are supposedly on Earth. Crazy Doc then infects Yoji with one of these things b/c he is trying to “feed” his daughter who has been partially infected. Yoji overpowers the parasite and kills the Doc. Sets off with his new found strength and power to find Sachiko. When he finds her there is a big fight, she actually remembers him but knows it is too late for her and tries to end her own life. Yoji says no ma’am and does it for her, awww now that’s love.
Oddly enough (not really for these films) that isn’t the end. Yoji then gets infected AGAIN in order to stop the entire race of these creatures once and for all. He again takes over the parasite and then detonates a bomb (yes a bomb) that he quote “Built inside of him” and kills himself and the parasite. No info was given on how he built a bomb inside of himself, nor to how exactly he knew how to detonate it. That must be the end right… nope.
Nipples for eyes... must be an advanced race.
Next we get a shot of two of these parasites talking to each other in some galactic disgusting space ship. They talk about how humans are the ultimate weapon for “the game” and how things have changed. They then talk about how the new hosts are going to make “the game” more interesting than ever. No mention of what the game really is, or why it is created. Then we are treated to shots of both Yoji and Sachiko frozen and naked presumably as host bodies. Eyes open, they scream, and the credits roll.
This movie isn’t really bad (relatively speaking of course) but it really isn’t good either. The story makes no sense, and is all over the place. It never really gets going and just seems sluggish the whole way through. The rubber monsters are kinda funny to watch fight and kill each other in buckets of blood. The one thing this movie does, and does well is the sound effects for the really disgusting parts. I don’t get sick in movies that are graphic, but I can imagine that if you do this one would be too much for you.
As part of my self inflicted pain of watching these movies, this one isn’t really all that terrible, though not one I will probably ever watch again either. I really am not sure why they chose the title that they did for this film, but then again it is a Japanese gore flick and that just fits the mold. Not sure that I can recommend this one for anyone. It doesn’t have the excitement of Tokyo Gore Police, and lacks the creepy story and feel of Attack Girls’. So my quest continues to find the perfect balance of blood, guts, story, and Japanese flare.
"Hey Sexy Girlfriend!"
Attack Girls’ Swim Team Vs. The Undead
2947 days
Keeping in line with Tokyo Gore Police, that I watched and reviewed last week, I found this little gem of a film to watch and review. If TGP was the craziest goriest movie I’d ever seen, then this one is easily the strangest, creepiest film I have ever laid eyes on.
They were all dead seconds later... seriously.
It starts off simple enough about a girl that comes to a new school, meets another girl on the swim team, and then wants to join said team. There is a new strain of “virus” going around that everyone is told to get shots for. Turns out that it makes everyone zombies, and the only cure is the chlorine in the pool. Think I spoiled the movie for you right there? Not at all.
See the new girl, Aki, and her new friend, Sayaka, have strange similarities with each other. They both have a birth mark on their right breast, which is revealed in the first of several really creepy naked shower scenes. They also have the same mole on their neck. The girls fight some zombies and Aki is injured. Sayaka, takes care of Aki’s wounds and instantly they bond. They discuss their possible link as being twin sisters separated at birth. How should the celebrate? Why not make out and have some incestual lesbian sex… Yup that’s right. They make out, rather graphically too.
No lie... This is part of her "Training."
The creepy and weird plot twists don’t stop there. Aki tells her story, of how she was kidnapped and raised as a quote “water assassin.” She is trained and apparently raped by a flute playing psychotic Dr, known as… get this… “Doctor.” She then escapes from her crazy captor and some how is “drawn to” the pool at this school. Long (and super crazy) story short, the zombie outbreak is quelled (or forgotten) so the girls swim team can compete. Alas the “Doctor” finds Aki and tries to win her back by force and kidnapping Sayaka… but Aki kills him, finds Sayaka, and frees her only to find out Dun Dun Duuuuunnn she actually ISN’T her sister. Also the “Doctor” really DID have a twin and he shows up to rape Aki. Lucky for her she thwarts his plans with a… wait for it…. laser gun hidden in her vagina. Seriously I am not making this up. All Aki ever wanted to do was swim, which she does at the end of the movie, and dies… from drugs that said not to swim after taking them. I really am not making this up.
Yup... Zombie
This movie is full of blood, guts, lesbian and hetero sex, zombies, and flute playing. I have never been more uncomfortable watching a movie, ever. If TGP is a movie that you would be ashamed to say you watched then this one is something that you really should keep hidden under lock and key. I watched it so you don’t have to. Seriously if you watch this movie, consider this a formal warning. You WILL be creeped out in many different situations and many different times during this film.
What bothers me most about the movie is this. I can’t figure out if it is Pro School Athletics, or if it is Anti-Drug propaganda. This final screen is the zinger at the end of the movie. I have a hard time thinking that somewhere a teacher in Japan didn’t show this to their students and say at the end… “See! Drugs will kill you.”
Stay in school... Don't Do Drugs!
Tokyo Gore Police (DVD Review)
1955 days
One of he strangest movies I have ever seen in my life, and that is seriously saying A LOT!
First off, let me start by saying that I am a huge fan of cheesy gore driven movies. It doesn’t have to have much plot or dialogue as long as the visuals can draw me in, or make me laugh. This is horribly apparent if you have ever seen my DVD collection. Which contains such nuggets as, the entire collection of Friday the 13th/Jason movies, all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Also the Sleepaway Camp movies, Evil Deads, and all manner of off the wall schlocky B movies. I am a fan, and am very proud to admit it.
This is what happens to "cutters" in hell.
That all being said, I was in no way prepared for what Tokyo Gore Police was about to hand me. Another film from “Tokyo Shock” that I rather enjoy is “Riki-Oh: The story of Riki.” Your average everyday person probably doesn’t know it by name, but it gained a little bit of notoriety when the original Daily Show with Craig Kilborn used to do the “4 Questions” segment. The guy smashing the other guys head into paste was from that movie. Anyway, the entire movie was pretty bloody. In fact it was one of the first to get a category 3 rating in Hong Kong (basically NC-17 in America) that wasn’t some form of erotic/porn movie. If Tokyo Gore Police is anything, it’s truth in advertising. It takes place in Tokyo, there are a lot of police involved, and there is a MASSIVE amount of gore. The first ten minuets of the film make Riki-Oh look like a Disney-Pixar colab. I let a friend see just one scene from the movie (grated it was pretty graphic) and all he could say was, “What the hell is wrong with Japanese people?” Very true.
NO amount of "protection" will save you
The “story” of TGP is that of a girl that is raised to be a “hunter” of the genetic freaks that are the “Engineers.” Engineers are psychotic criminals that can genetically alter their bodies. In the first scene one such engineer has his arm blown off in a gun fight. Not to worry though because it grows back… with a chainsaw attached to it. Yup, that’s the kind of crazy shit that happens the entire way through the movie. Anyway, Riko works for the Tokyo Police, and its her job to kill all these freaks they come across. Well as you might have guessed, things go to hell in a hand basket, and quickly. Not before we are introduced to an entire cast of regular humans that have not so human traits, or have been altered in some way. I don’t want to really get into the description of most but I will just give you a peek. There is the “Meat Chair”, the “Man-Eating Vagina” not to be out done there is also the “Giant-Penis-That-Shoots-Bullets” and so many more.
I sat through most of this with my mouth agape in wide-eyed wonderment that this movie was even made. Half the time I was appalled and the other half I was intrigued. This movie is really beyond all description. If you like your horror movies to have buckets and buckets of blood, and topped with the most insane creatures ever put to film, then this is right up your alley. Seriously. It will fit in nicely with my collection of other over the top films like it. I just don’t know if there is enough in there for regular film watchers to even rent it.
Really, I mean there is a guy that uses his own blood shooting from his legs as a sort of make shift propulsion system to fly him around in a fight. No joke!
To "Protect and Serve" my ass...
Role Models
01041 days
For what this movie is (dumb comedy) it was worth seeing it. Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd, have pretty good on screen chemistry. The kids are the real draw, they steal the scene nine times out of ten. Wasn’t a fan of the character played by Jane Lynch this time, her acting is pretty much all the same, her “Ricky Bobby’s mother” has been the best she has done. Final verdict, I would say I give it a rent. It was worth seeing.
*Foot note* The movie poster makes no sense as far as Paul Rudd’s character. He uses the restroom once, and really doesn’t make the movie funnier. Interesting choice for poster… Also the “Tag Line” sucks… someone (Comic Book Guy) should be fired for that one.
