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Posts tagged Japanese Crazyness
The Eye
0832 days
Well I can tell what my eye didn’t see, and that’s enough of Jessica Alba scantly clad in this movie.
#16 “The Eye”
This was one of those movies that I heard about when it first came out and thought instantly, this will be on DVD very soon. I was pretty much right I guess. It stars, as I mentioned, Jessica Alba as a blind girl that gets a cornea transplant to see. Once the operation is over, she almost immediately starts to see “things.” Not sure what they are and having not seen ANYTHING since she was a little girl, she freaks out. Everyone tells here that it’s just her body “adjusting” to being able to see again, but she knows that’s not what it is. The visions start becoming more and more vivid, not to mention violent. Jessica then finds out that the eyes came from a dead girl in Mexico. Upon getting the whole story she finds out also that the girl was thought to be a witch because she could see death. Her visions get more and more intense to the point that she actually sees and talks to the dead girl (how she was able to see what she looked like I dunno). Anyway she ends up stopping a bunch of people from being killed in a giant explosion at the US and Mexico boarder. Oh and in the blast she loses her sight again. This movie really was like a mixture of The Sixth Sense and Final Destination. She could not only see dead people but also the spirits that take the dead souls away, kinda like Soul-Taker (look it up). Not all that great of a movie. It had a few creepy parts, and mostly only made me want to see the Japanese original. If you are stuck watching this movie all I can say is, make the most of the shower scene. Other than that, it’s just not worth … crying your EYEs out over.
Machine Girl (DVD Review)
1908 days
Machine Girl is the latest in a long blood-soaked line of Japanese gore movies that have recently been an obsession for me. Given the fact that it stars a Japanese schoolgirl (naturally) with a Gatling gun for an arm, how could I possibly pass this one up? There are not many surprises to be found while watching it, however, there were some great moments during this film.
Got any soy sauce?
This movie begins with the story of a brother and sister struggling to make ends meet and make it through the day without parents. Ami’s brother Yu is getting picked on by a Yakuza boss’ son Sho, and is in debt to him. When Yu tries to pay Yoshie back what little money he has, Sho and his Yakuza friends kill Yu, and his friend Takashi. When Ami finds Yu’s diary that has a list of “People I want to kill” in it, she realizes that Sho was bullying Yu, and more than likely killed him. That is about the only normal part of the movie. From there EVERYTHING gets really strange and ridiculous.
Ami then goes to the police chief’s house to talk with him about his son’s involvement in Yu’s murder. The son denies it, naturally, and his parents literally FREAK OUT. His father attacks Ami with a golf club, seemingly out of no where, and the wife deep fries Ami’s hand in tempura batter and hot oil. Of course, Ami comes back later and ends up killing the entire family in some of the most gruesome and disturbing death scenes I have seen in these movies. Ami stabs the mother in the back of the head with a kitchen knife, which apparently is cause enough for her to literally throw up her intestines. That is just the first of many bloody fights, and NOT where Ami loses her arm.
Carl forgot his shirt... Again!
Next up, Ami confronts none other than the big boss of the Yakuza and his family, which is probably not the best of moves. She is tied up and tortured by both the boss and his wife, who cut off her fingers and let her bleed for a while. Then they lop off her left arm, right around the elbow. That wouldn’t make for a very good ending so, of course, she escapes. Ami stumbles her way to the house of Takashi’s parents. Takashi’s mom [Miki] is none to happy to see her, blaming her for her son’s death, and even though her husband [Suguru] sews up Ami’s arm, Miki wants her out. What’s next? Why not challenge Ami to an arm wrestling match? Sure, I guess. Long story short, Miki helps train Ami to be an efficient killer and Suguru creates the Machine Gun arm that Ami later wields. Then it’s time for them both to take on the Yakuza family and their minions. Lots of crazy battles, lots of blood, a few laughs, and a large body count later, Ami comes out on top. Her lust for revenge has been quenched.
This is another movie that I really can’t tell if it is taking itself seriously or not. Unfortunately, the version that I watched was dubbed and not subtitled, which could have changed the dialogue a lot. I found this film hard to read. There was definitely a lot of blood, geysers of blood even, and some fake body parts, but something was just…off. I can’t put my finger on it.
Seriously, it's a "Drill Bra"
I can’t say that I was surprised to see that they have already made a sequel to it, since they have made one for just about every movie I have seen so far, though I have no idea where the story could possibly go from here. However, it was bloody, it was funny, and it was entertaining. Nonetheless, I am not sure who I would really recommend it to, unless (like me) you really like to watch these types of films. If that is the case, then I highly recommend this movie be added to your collection.
Oneechanbara Beauty (DVD Review)
0922 days
Chanbara Beauty or as it is sometimes known Oneechanbara, is the next in the seemingly long line of Japanese Gore flix that I made myself suffer through. At least for my sake the movie was much better than the game.
Someone has issues with Japanese School girls.
In a world gone mad, zombies have overrun the Earth; not in that happy fun way like in Fido, either. Actually, the way the zombies looked and moved reminded me a lot of the game series “Siren.” The zombie outbreak apparently was started by the “D3 Corporation” (which is a gratuitous plug for the game publishers of the same name). They began inexplicably raising the dead back to life. Naturally once this happened they started attacking the living and thus creating more reanimated corpses for the zombie hordes. “Madness has swallowed up the whole world.” The story follows Aya the bikini-clad zombie slayer on her quest to kill the evil Dr. Sugita, who is the one responsible for creating the zombie “virus” and thus pushing the world to the edge of total destruction. Dr. Sugita is also responsible for turning Aya’s own sister, Saki, into some sort of hybrid human-zombie killing machine of evil. Aya is a master swords-woman and the only living descendant of the Imichi Clan. Why that makes any difference in the story, I am not sure, but the Doc sure does talk about it a lot.
Fastest shotgun in the world.
Aya is aided in her quest by Katsuji, the dim-witted, comedy relief fat guy, and Reiko, a gun-wielding, motorcycle-riding, leather-clad badass. Reiko is not just badass because she kills zombies, but because of her preferred method of dispatching them. She carries what can only be described as the world’s ONLY sawed-off, double-barrel shotgun of its type. Not only does it have the ability to fire countless rounds of ammo without reloading, but it also fired bullets instead of shotgun shells. This chick would give Ash (of evil dead fame) a run for his money with this gun. Anyway, Reiko is hunting Dr. Saguita because, as said before, he created the zombie outbreak and thus caused Reiko to have to kill her daughter when she became a zombie.
The action in the movie is very, very fast. Aya swings a sword made of what appears to be pure light energy most of the time. The zombies usually show up in packs of about 30 at a time and Aya and Reiko usually burn through them in a matter of minutes. The zombies themselves don’t really look all that great. Like I said, they remind me of the ones from Siren: they are just basically painted faces and expressions that make them look evil. The bulk of the budget was spent on special effects. Death scenes are played out wonderfully, with fountains of blood and severed limbs. Where money was not spent, however, was in lighting. This movie is just plain dark, and not just because it takes place mostly at night, or in dark warehouses.
What just happened? I can't see!
The end fight scene between Aya and Saki is like something out of a Dragonball Z cartoon. The fight’s special effects are way over the top and it only adds to the visual splendor that this movie has already delivered. Saki and Aya also sound very similar to Venus and Serena Williams in a heated tennis match, each yelling and grunting at top volume. The end was a little disappointing, but I guess I wasn’t really expecting it to be much more.
This movie is all about being over the top. Everything in this movie is done to the maximum: the special effects (where they existed), the script, even the acting. I was actually caught off guard during one scene, though. Katsuji has to confront his sister that was changed into a zombie, and ends up having to kill her. This particular scene was pulled off rather well compared to the rest of the film. The emotion came across well, and it wasn’t campy or played up too much.
There apparently is already a sequel to this flick called Oneechanbara Vortex. In which it seems that Aya and Saki AND Reiko all team up to fight zombies. This is quite strange given the fact that not only do Aya and Reiko want to kill Saki in the first film, but both Reiko and Saki DIE at the end of it. I guess it really doesn’t matter, given the source material. Who cares, honestly, when you have a film about Japanese chicks in bikinis killing zombies?
One final thing… is it just me or does Aya look a lot like Tina Sanchez from 1up?
I felt the same way at the end of this movie, lady.
Meatball Machine (DVD Review)
1942 days
Meatball Machine is not so much about “Meatballs” or “Machinery” as it is a timeless love story. A love story between two regular people, set in a land where it’s perfectly normal to have “Power Ranger” type monsters running around fighting each other. So basically it’s an average day in Japan I guess.
The story revolves around a young man Yoji that works in a machine shop (hey there is your “machine”). He does his job goes home, (masturbates apparently) and just lives his life as best he can. Everyday on his lunch break he eats his lunch outside and watches a girl named Sachiko hang out her laundry. They both cut their eyes at each other in this kind of “I know your watching me, watching you” kind of way. It’s cute, and the basis of their budding relationship.
Yay!! Tentacle Monster!!
One day after a friend tries to take out Yoji out for some “fun” he ends up by himself in a theater being hit on by a cross-dresser. Yoji gets up and walks out and tries to avoid the tranny but ends up getting into, and losing, a fight with him/her. He winds up in the garbage and finds… something. Takes it home and does some investigating on “it.” The next night he “rescues” Sachiko from an attempted rape and in the process gets his ass kicked again. They go home to tend to his wounds and she tells him that she has been watching him the whole time he has been watching her… Awwww. They kiss and get ready to do the nasty. Sachiko has a secret though that she shares with Yoji. She was beaten and scared by her father, rather badly and she gets very emotional and upset. This awakens the thing that Yoji found the other night. It attacks her and changes her into a walking host to a rather disgusting parasite. From then on its a battle to win back his love from this thing that has taken over her body.
KA-POW Bitches!!
Cutting to the chase… Yoji finds a crazy Doctor (aren’t they all) and he pretty much lays out the plot behind why these things are supposedly on Earth. Crazy Doc then infects Yoji with one of these things b/c he is trying to “feed” his daughter who has been partially infected. Yoji overpowers the parasite and kills the Doc. Sets off with his new found strength and power to find Sachiko. When he finds her there is a big fight, she actually remembers him but knows it is too late for her and tries to end her own life. Yoji says no ma’am and does it for her, awww now that’s love.
Oddly enough (not really for these films) that isn’t the end. Yoji then gets infected AGAIN in order to stop the entire race of these creatures once and for all. He again takes over the parasite and then detonates a bomb (yes a bomb) that he quote “Built inside of him” and kills himself and the parasite. No info was given on how he built a bomb inside of himself, nor to how exactly he knew how to detonate it. That must be the end right… nope.
Nipples for eyes... must be an advanced race.
Next we get a shot of two of these parasites talking to each other in some galactic disgusting space ship. They talk about how humans are the ultimate weapon for “the game” and how things have changed. They then talk about how the new hosts are going to make “the game” more interesting than ever. No mention of what the game really is, or why it is created. Then we are treated to shots of both Yoji and Sachiko frozen and naked presumably as host bodies. Eyes open, they scream, and the credits roll.
This movie isn’t really bad (relatively speaking of course) but it really isn’t good either. The story makes no sense, and is all over the place. It never really gets going and just seems sluggish the whole way through. The rubber monsters are kinda funny to watch fight and kill each other in buckets of blood. The one thing this movie does, and does well is the sound effects for the really disgusting parts. I don’t get sick in movies that are graphic, but I can imagine that if you do this one would be too much for you.
As part of my self inflicted pain of watching these movies, this one isn’t really all that terrible, though not one I will probably ever watch again either. I really am not sure why they chose the title that they did for this film, but then again it is a Japanese gore flick and that just fits the mold. Not sure that I can recommend this one for anyone. It doesn’t have the excitement of Tokyo Gore Police, and lacks the creepy story and feel of Attack Girls’. So my quest continues to find the perfect balance of blood, guts, story, and Japanese flare.
"Hey Sexy Girlfriend!"
Attack Girls’ Swim Team Vs. The Undead
2947 days
Keeping in line with Tokyo Gore Police, that I watched and reviewed last week, I found this little gem of a film to watch and review. If TGP was the craziest goriest movie I’d ever seen, then this one is easily the strangest, creepiest film I have ever laid eyes on.
They were all dead seconds later... seriously.
It starts off simple enough about a girl that comes to a new school, meets another girl on the swim team, and then wants to join said team. There is a new strain of “virus” going around that everyone is told to get shots for. Turns out that it makes everyone zombies, and the only cure is the chlorine in the pool. Think I spoiled the movie for you right there? Not at all.
See the new girl, Aki, and her new friend, Sayaka, have strange similarities with each other. They both have a birth mark on their right breast, which is revealed in the first of several really creepy naked shower scenes. They also have the same mole on their neck. The girls fight some zombies and Aki is injured. Sayaka, takes care of Aki’s wounds and instantly they bond. They discuss their possible link as being twin sisters separated at birth. How should the celebrate? Why not make out and have some incestual lesbian sex… Yup that’s right. They make out, rather graphically too.
No lie... This is part of her "Training."
The creepy and weird plot twists don’t stop there. Aki tells her story, of how she was kidnapped and raised as a quote “water assassin.” She is trained and apparently raped by a flute playing psychotic Dr, known as… get this… “Doctor.” She then escapes from her crazy captor and some how is “drawn to” the pool at this school. Long (and super crazy) story short, the zombie outbreak is quelled (or forgotten) so the girls swim team can compete. Alas the “Doctor” finds Aki and tries to win her back by force and kidnapping Sayaka… but Aki kills him, finds Sayaka, and frees her only to find out Dun Dun Duuuuunnn she actually ISN’T her sister. Also the “Doctor” really DID have a twin and he shows up to rape Aki. Lucky for her she thwarts his plans with a… wait for it…. laser gun hidden in her vagina. Seriously I am not making this up. All Aki ever wanted to do was swim, which she does at the end of the movie, and dies… from drugs that said not to swim after taking them. I really am not making this up.
Yup... Zombie
This movie is full of blood, guts, lesbian and hetero sex, zombies, and flute playing. I have never been more uncomfortable watching a movie, ever. If TGP is a movie that you would be ashamed to say you watched then this one is something that you really should keep hidden under lock and key. I watched it so you don’t have to. Seriously if you watch this movie, consider this a formal warning. You WILL be creeped out in many different situations and many different times during this film.
What bothers me most about the movie is this. I can’t figure out if it is Pro School Athletics, or if it is Anti-Drug propaganda. This final screen is the zinger at the end of the movie. I have a hard time thinking that somewhere a teacher in Japan didn’t show this to their students and say at the end… “See! Drugs will kill you.”
Stay in school... Don't Do Drugs!
