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Posts tagged DVD/BluRay
Oneechanbara Beauty (DVD Review)
0922 days
Chanbara Beauty or as it is sometimes known Oneechanbara, is the next in the seemingly long line of Japanese Gore flix that I made myself suffer through. At least for my sake the movie was much better than the game.
Someone has issues with Japanese School girls.
In a world gone mad, zombies have overrun the Earth; not in that happy fun way like in Fido, either. Actually, the way the zombies looked and moved reminded me a lot of the game series “Siren.” The zombie outbreak apparently was started by the “D3 Corporation” (which is a gratuitous plug for the game publishers of the same name). They began inexplicably raising the dead back to life. Naturally once this happened they started attacking the living and thus creating more reanimated corpses for the zombie hordes. “Madness has swallowed up the whole world.” The story follows Aya the bikini-clad zombie slayer on her quest to kill the evil Dr. Sugita, who is the one responsible for creating the zombie “virus” and thus pushing the world to the edge of total destruction. Dr. Sugita is also responsible for turning Aya’s own sister, Saki, into some sort of hybrid human-zombie killing machine of evil. Aya is a master swords-woman and the only living descendant of the Imichi Clan. Why that makes any difference in the story, I am not sure, but the Doc sure does talk about it a lot.
Fastest shotgun in the world.
Aya is aided in her quest by Katsuji, the dim-witted, comedy relief fat guy, and Reiko, a gun-wielding, motorcycle-riding, leather-clad badass. Reiko is not just badass because she kills zombies, but because of her preferred method of dispatching them. She carries what can only be described as the world’s ONLY sawed-off, double-barrel shotgun of its type. Not only does it have the ability to fire countless rounds of ammo without reloading, but it also fired bullets instead of shotgun shells. This chick would give Ash (of evil dead fame) a run for his money with this gun. Anyway, Reiko is hunting Dr. Saguita because, as said before, he created the zombie outbreak and thus caused Reiko to have to kill her daughter when she became a zombie.
The action in the movie is very, very fast. Aya swings a sword made of what appears to be pure light energy most of the time. The zombies usually show up in packs of about 30 at a time and Aya and Reiko usually burn through them in a matter of minutes. The zombies themselves don’t really look all that great. Like I said, they remind me of the ones from Siren: they are just basically painted faces and expressions that make them look evil. The bulk of the budget was spent on special effects. Death scenes are played out wonderfully, with fountains of blood and severed limbs. Where money was not spent, however, was in lighting. This movie is just plain dark, and not just because it takes place mostly at night, or in dark warehouses.
What just happened? I can't see!
The end fight scene between Aya and Saki is like something out of a Dragonball Z cartoon. The fight’s special effects are way over the top and it only adds to the visual splendor that this movie has already delivered. Saki and Aya also sound very similar to Venus and Serena Williams in a heated tennis match, each yelling and grunting at top volume. The end was a little disappointing, but I guess I wasn’t really expecting it to be much more.
This movie is all about being over the top. Everything in this movie is done to the maximum: the special effects (where they existed), the script, even the acting. I was actually caught off guard during one scene, though. Katsuji has to confront his sister that was changed into a zombie, and ends up having to kill her. This particular scene was pulled off rather well compared to the rest of the film. The emotion came across well, and it wasn’t campy or played up too much.
There apparently is already a sequel to this flick called Oneechanbara Vortex. In which it seems that Aya and Saki AND Reiko all team up to fight zombies. This is quite strange given the fact that not only do Aya and Reiko want to kill Saki in the first film, but both Reiko and Saki DIE at the end of it. I guess it really doesn’t matter, given the source material. Who cares, honestly, when you have a film about Japanese chicks in bikinis killing zombies?
One final thing… is it just me or does Aya look a lot like Tina Sanchez from 1up?
I felt the same way at the end of this movie, lady.
Meatball Machine (DVD Review)
1942 days
Meatball Machine is not so much about “Meatballs” or “Machinery” as it is a timeless love story. A love story between two regular people, set in a land where it’s perfectly normal to have “Power Ranger” type monsters running around fighting each other. So basically it’s an average day in Japan I guess.
The story revolves around a young man Yoji that works in a machine shop (hey there is your “machine”). He does his job goes home, (masturbates apparently) and just lives his life as best he can. Everyday on his lunch break he eats his lunch outside and watches a girl named Sachiko hang out her laundry. They both cut their eyes at each other in this kind of “I know your watching me, watching you” kind of way. It’s cute, and the basis of their budding relationship.
Yay!! Tentacle Monster!!
One day after a friend tries to take out Yoji out for some “fun” he ends up by himself in a theater being hit on by a cross-dresser. Yoji gets up and walks out and tries to avoid the tranny but ends up getting into, and losing, a fight with him/her. He winds up in the garbage and finds… something. Takes it home and does some investigating on “it.” The next night he “rescues” Sachiko from an attempted rape and in the process gets his ass kicked again. They go home to tend to his wounds and she tells him that she has been watching him the whole time he has been watching her… Awwww. They kiss and get ready to do the nasty. Sachiko has a secret though that she shares with Yoji. She was beaten and scared by her father, rather badly and she gets very emotional and upset. This awakens the thing that Yoji found the other night. It attacks her and changes her into a walking host to a rather disgusting parasite. From then on its a battle to win back his love from this thing that has taken over her body.
KA-POW Bitches!!
Cutting to the chase… Yoji finds a crazy Doctor (aren’t they all) and he pretty much lays out the plot behind why these things are supposedly on Earth. Crazy Doc then infects Yoji with one of these things b/c he is trying to “feed” his daughter who has been partially infected. Yoji overpowers the parasite and kills the Doc. Sets off with his new found strength and power to find Sachiko. When he finds her there is a big fight, she actually remembers him but knows it is too late for her and tries to end her own life. Yoji says no ma’am and does it for her, awww now that’s love.
Oddly enough (not really for these films) that isn’t the end. Yoji then gets infected AGAIN in order to stop the entire race of these creatures once and for all. He again takes over the parasite and then detonates a bomb (yes a bomb) that he quote “Built inside of him” and kills himself and the parasite. No info was given on how he built a bomb inside of himself, nor to how exactly he knew how to detonate it. That must be the end right… nope.
Nipples for eyes... must be an advanced race.
Next we get a shot of two of these parasites talking to each other in some galactic disgusting space ship. They talk about how humans are the ultimate weapon for “the game” and how things have changed. They then talk about how the new hosts are going to make “the game” more interesting than ever. No mention of what the game really is, or why it is created. Then we are treated to shots of both Yoji and Sachiko frozen and naked presumably as host bodies. Eyes open, they scream, and the credits roll.
This movie isn’t really bad (relatively speaking of course) but it really isn’t good either. The story makes no sense, and is all over the place. It never really gets going and just seems sluggish the whole way through. The rubber monsters are kinda funny to watch fight and kill each other in buckets of blood. The one thing this movie does, and does well is the sound effects for the really disgusting parts. I don’t get sick in movies that are graphic, but I can imagine that if you do this one would be too much for you.
As part of my self inflicted pain of watching these movies, this one isn’t really all that terrible, though not one I will probably ever watch again either. I really am not sure why they chose the title that they did for this film, but then again it is a Japanese gore flick and that just fits the mold. Not sure that I can recommend this one for anyone. It doesn’t have the excitement of Tokyo Gore Police, and lacks the creepy story and feel of Attack Girls’. So my quest continues to find the perfect balance of blood, guts, story, and Japanese flare.
"Hey Sexy Girlfriend!"
Tokyo Gore Police (DVD Review)
1955 days
One of he strangest movies I have ever seen in my life, and that is seriously saying A LOT!
First off, let me start by saying that I am a huge fan of cheesy gore driven movies. It doesn’t have to have much plot or dialogue as long as the visuals can draw me in, or make me laugh. This is horribly apparent if you have ever seen my DVD collection. Which contains such nuggets as, the entire collection of Friday the 13th/Jason movies, all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Also the Sleepaway Camp movies, Evil Deads, and all manner of off the wall schlocky B movies. I am a fan, and am very proud to admit it.
This is what happens to "cutters" in hell.
That all being said, I was in no way prepared for what Tokyo Gore Police was about to hand me. Another film from “Tokyo Shock” that I rather enjoy is “Riki-Oh: The story of Riki.” Your average everyday person probably doesn’t know it by name, but it gained a little bit of notoriety when the original Daily Show with Craig Kilborn used to do the “4 Questions” segment. The guy smashing the other guys head into paste was from that movie. Anyway, the entire movie was pretty bloody. In fact it was one of the first to get a category 3 rating in Hong Kong (basically NC-17 in America) that wasn’t some form of erotic/porn movie. If Tokyo Gore Police is anything, it’s truth in advertising. It takes place in Tokyo, there are a lot of police involved, and there is a MASSIVE amount of gore. The first ten minuets of the film make Riki-Oh look like a Disney-Pixar colab. I let a friend see just one scene from the movie (grated it was pretty graphic) and all he could say was, “What the hell is wrong with Japanese people?” Very true.
NO amount of "protection" will save you
The “story” of TGP is that of a girl that is raised to be a “hunter” of the genetic freaks that are the “Engineers.” Engineers are psychotic criminals that can genetically alter their bodies. In the first scene one such engineer has his arm blown off in a gun fight. Not to worry though because it grows back… with a chainsaw attached to it. Yup, that’s the kind of crazy shit that happens the entire way through the movie. Anyway, Riko works for the Tokyo Police, and its her job to kill all these freaks they come across. Well as you might have guessed, things go to hell in a hand basket, and quickly. Not before we are introduced to an entire cast of regular humans that have not so human traits, or have been altered in some way. I don’t want to really get into the description of most but I will just give you a peek. There is the “Meat Chair”, the “Man-Eating Vagina” not to be out done there is also the “Giant-Penis-That-Shoots-Bullets” and so many more.
I sat through most of this with my mouth agape in wide-eyed wonderment that this movie was even made. Half the time I was appalled and the other half I was intrigued. This movie is really beyond all description. If you like your horror movies to have buckets and buckets of blood, and topped with the most insane creatures ever put to film, then this is right up your alley. Seriously. It will fit in nicely with my collection of other over the top films like it. I just don’t know if there is enough in there for regular film watchers to even rent it.
Really, I mean there is a guy that uses his own blood shooting from his legs as a sort of make shift propulsion system to fly him around in a fight. No joke!
To "Protect and Serve" my ass...
Rock N Rolla
01080 days
Now I have been a fan on Guy Richie movies since someone introduced me to “Lock Stock and Two Smokin Barrels” almost ten years ago, so I am no stranger to his work. I missed “Revolver” when that came out, and knew that “Rock N Rolla” was out but couldn’t make it to that one either. However once they both made it to DVD i knew i had to see them. Since Rock N Rolla was the most recent i went for that one first, and i am glad i did.
As per usual with his films, there are several story lines all runing on their own, usually to crash into each other by the end. There are the usual twists and turns in the plot, nothing that you can’t already see coming from almost the start, but it doesn’t matter, it’s an action movie, after all. Guy’s very stylized visuals and great use of camera work are present and accounted for in his latest picture. I would even go out on a limb and say that they have gotten better over the last several movies he has done.
I won’t go into who is in this movie, aside from saying that Jason Statham is NOT in this one but Gerard Butler (300′s King Leonidas) is part of the cast. Everyone appears on screen to have a genuine amount of chemistry between actors. Again with most of his movies there is a lot of humor (mostly dark) injected into almost every scene. I don’t know where the ideas come from but i am still amazed at how well all the loose ends get sewn up by the end of the film.
If you like a little comedy with your action, and aren’t afraid of thick accents from European actors, i would definitely suggest renting with the option of buying this one. One small gripe, there was a severe lack of cockney in this movie. I love the stuff, i guess cause i can’t speak it myself. Not once did i have to turn on the subtitles to figure out what an actor/actress was saying. Oh well.
