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Posts tagged Duels of The Iron Mic
The Iron Mic vs. Mass Effect 2
0742 days
Now that I have somewhere to post, I can record the thoughts that usually swirl about my brain and trickle out in the form of self-directed mumbles while I’m in crowded, public places. I noticed this happening while I was playing through Dragon Age, and so, hammered out the last rant, hoping to relieve myself of the hushed voices. The fact that I was actually looking forward to Mass Effect has, I think, intensified the whole process to the point where I’m not going to be able to keep track of all the shit that irks me about this game. As such, I’m going to post my (hopefully spoiler-free) thoughts here. Feel free to join in.
– I don’t know what exactly caused it, but I was completely taken in by the first ME. Perhaps it’s because I very much enjoy sci-fi. I like it as a setting for most any story, far more than fantasy, as it has the eventual possibility of coming true. Humans discover vast technological stores and go on adventures spanning billions of miles? Sign me up. I read every planetary description, noting the color of the different gas giants and which chemicals on the barren desert planets were responsible for killing me if the red death-meter got too full. This time around, the game has managed to completely cut me off from the universe within. Oh, I’m not allowed to travel wherever I want anymore? I can’t land on planets and drive around, looking for things to kill/collect unless I pay you an extra $15? Fantastic. Sign up someone else this time.
– So, they went to the trouble of describing, in detail, why there was no such thing as ammunition scarcity in the first game. Mass drivers, and scrap metal slugs, and whatever. That was fine, I bought in; plausible explanation. Now: oh we’re sorry, we meant there IS ammo, but it’s not called ammo it’s called “thermal clips.” Great, now you’re just like every other game. Way to be.
– Where the hell is my inventory screen? Why is ammunition considered a “power” that not everyone can use? It’s ammunition: a physical object that fits into a gun. If it fits into one pistol, shouldn’t it fit into another identical pistol, regardless of who is holding onto it? While we’re on that, why can’t I carry whatever weapon I want to? Last time, you simply took into account that certain characters were trained in the use of, and therefor better with, certain weapons. Now my character is physically unable to find the “ON” switch to a rifle? And why can he carry two more weapons than anyone else? And why does my squad insist on entering combat wearing nothing more than bondage gear or a swimsuit?
– The sniper-time and hit locater are right up my alley. Anything that adds squishy headshots is OK in my book.
– At least the hack/bypass minigame isn’t a Simon-clone anymore.
– Man-faced broad is man-faced. (eww, man-faye)
– I really, REALLY hate what they did to the inventory system.
– Apparently a 7-year-old could hack the average Defense Robot.
– The Galaxy Map is tilted wrong and I can’t see what I’d like to. The listing of what quests are in which systems is nice, but perhaps wait until I highlight them to tell me rather than cluttering up the map.
– The Citadel got smaller. That’s exactly the wrong direction to head in; more exploration, not less.
– Fuel/Probes: an in-game currency drain necessary to continue playing. This isn’t an MMO (yet), let’s not try and make it more like one.
– This might fold into my dislike of the inventory system, but where are the stores? Am I to believe that, in the future, retail outlets will only carry two random items each and specialize in nothing?
– It takes me twenty minutes to scan a planet for resources, and I don’t even get to drive around while doing it.
– I’ll bet the PC version looks awesome, but it probably still has this same generic redhead I see repeated every 3 humans. Every game, Bioware; every fucking game with you the same thing.
– To steal a bit from Yahtzee: there sure are a lot of chest-high walls in this galaxy.
– I can assign a power to the d-pad OR use it to direct traffic, not both. What gives?
– The AI is better at telling my squad what to do than I am.
– This game has more unnecessary recurring characters than Episode I.
– Bioware must think they’ve found the recipe for the next smack, and they’re only willing to cut it but so much with parts of fantasy, sci-fi, or seaquest. It’s as if they expect people to buy the same product over and over, and then thank them for the privilege. Well, think again; I’m only willing to RENT the same thing over and over.
The Iron Mic vs. Dragon Age: Origins
0793 days
Kotor was rather popular, and also good, but it’s time maybe to try making an RPG that isn’t essentially another thinly-veiled ripoff. If you can’t, then just make Kotor 3 and let me get my Star Wars fix already. I realize that it’s easy money, but at least try mixing it up a bit. Try rearranging the bones to come up with a new animal.
How about some menus that aren’t wheel-based? How about a game with more than 5 towns? How about an rpg where every conversation scene isn’t about tiptoeing around your crew of opinionated crybabies? How about a storage system that I don’t have to pay extra for?
There is little that annoys me as much as having to stop in the middle of a dungeon and decide which of my items will probably sell for less than others (and can be dropped/destroyed) so I can pick up the gift/weapon/potion/whatever that I’m not sure if I’ll need later in the game. Yeah, yeah. Here comes the argument that the game has backpacks for sale that increase inventory space for in-game gold. You know what games that sentence describes? Mmo grindfests; which are the bastion of offensive game design.
There are a few ways for (benevolent) developers to handle this. You can go the Final Fantasy route and let me carry x99 of any existing item, but no more than that; or you can try the Jagged Alliance design and give me a limited personal inventory with persistent drops (dropped items staying right where I fucking dropped them and never leaving unless I intentionally move them). If you don’t feel like coding either of those, you could just stop putting so damned many items in the game. I don’t need twenty similar swords to choose from if I don’t have the ability to carry them all.
Now, I haven’t played Torchlight, but I hear that you can sell things while in the middle of a dungeon. Word up on that. Perhaps other game companies could take that under advisement and add something similar in the future. And no, I’m not willing to pay an additional $10 for the convenience, you greedy assfunchkins.
You know what else sucks? The targeting. I have lost count of how many times I’ve accidentally targeted someone on my team instead of targeting an enemy. No, I wasn’t trying to open your conversation screen, I was trying to attack/loot/freeze that evil demon right fucking next to me. This would have been an easy fix: d-pad left/right for enemies, and up/down for friendlies. (I’m guessing this is the part where guys playing the PC version laugh at me derisively.)
Bottom line: I don’t hate Dragon Age. I’m going to play it all the way through. I might even play it a second time and play as a different class. Its formula keeps getting reused because it makes for a decent game. I just think that, at this point, they’ve gone to the trough too many times to not be called on it. If I spend more time thinking “that’s just like in [earlier game]” or “god dammit not again” than I do “that’s fucking sweet” it tends to obstruct my enjoyment of the game.
P.S — What the hell is with Morrigan only looking good in the one outfit? Change her armor and an entirely different body model is loaded. Bullshit.
