Random

Just an old salt jabbering on about nothing…

The Illusive Man

The Iron Mic vs. Mass Effect 2

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Now that I have somewhere to post, I can record the thoughts that usually swirl about my brain and trickle out in the form of self-directed mumbles while I’m in crowded, public places. I noticed this happening while I was playing through Dragon Age, and so, hammered out the last rant, hoping to relieve myself of the hushed voices. The fact that I was actually looking forward to Mass Effect has, I think, intensified the whole process to the point where I’m not going to be able to keep track of all the shit that irks me about this game. As such, I’m going to post my (hopefully spoiler-free) thoughts here. Feel free to join in.

– I don’t know what exactly caused it, but I was completely taken in by the first ME. Perhaps it’s because I very much enjoy sci-fi. I like it as a setting for most any story, far more than fantasy, as it has the eventual possibility of coming true. Humans discover vast technological stores and go on adventures spanning billions of miles? Sign me up. I read every planetary description, noting the color of the different gas giants and which chemicals on the barren desert planets were responsible for killing me if the red death-meter got too full. This time around, the game has managed to completely cut me off from the universe within. Oh, I’m not allowed to travel wherever I want anymore? I can’t land on planets and drive around, looking for things to kill/collect unless I pay you an extra $15? Fantastic. Sign up someone else this time.

– So, they went to the trouble of describing, in detail, why there was no such thing as ammunition scarcity in the first game. Mass drivers, and scrap metal slugs, and whatever. That was fine, I bought in; plausible explanation. Now: oh we’re sorry, we meant there IS ammo, but it’s not called ammo it’s called “thermal clips.” Great, now you’re just like every other game. Way to be.

– Where the hell is my inventory screen? Why is ammunition considered a “power” that not everyone can use? It’s ammunition: a physical object that fits into a gun. If it fits into one pistol, shouldn’t it fit into another identical pistol, regardless of who is holding onto it? While we’re on that, why can’t I carry whatever weapon I want to? Last time, you simply took into account that certain characters were trained in the use of, and therefor better with, certain weapons. Now my character is physically unable to find the “ON” switch to a rifle? And why can he carry two more weapons than anyone else? And why does my squad insist on entering combat wearing nothing more than bondage gear or a swimsuit?

– The sniper-time and hit locater are right up my alley. Anything that adds squishy headshots is OK in my book.

– At least the hack/bypass minigame isn’t a Simon-clone anymore.

– Man-faced broad is man-faced. (eww, man-faye)

– I really, REALLY hate what they did to the inventory system.

– Apparently a 7-year-old could hack the average Defense Robot.

– The Galaxy Map is tilted wrong and I can’t see what I’d like to. The listing of what quests are in which systems is nice, but perhaps wait until I highlight them to tell me rather than cluttering up the map.

– The Citadel got smaller. That’s exactly the wrong direction to head in; more exploration, not less.

– Fuel/Probes: an in-game currency drain necessary to continue playing. This isn’t an MMO (yet), let’s not try and make it more like one.

– This might fold into my dislike of the inventory system, but where are the stores? Am I to believe that, in the future, retail outlets will only carry two random items each and specialize in nothing?

– It takes me twenty minutes to scan a planet for resources, and I don’t even get to drive around while doing it.

– I’ll bet the PC version looks awesome, but it probably still has this same generic redhead I see repeated every 3 humans. Every game, Bioware; every fucking game with you the same thing.

– To steal a bit from Yahtzee: there sure are a lot of chest-high walls in this galaxy.

– I can assign a power to the d-pad OR use it to direct traffic, not both. What gives?

– The AI is better at telling my squad what to do than I am.

– This game has more unnecessary recurring characters than Episode I.

– Bioware must think they’ve found the recipe for the next smack, and they’re only willing to cut it but so much with parts of fantasy, sci-fi, or seaquest. It’s as if they expect people to buy the same product over and over, and then thank them for the privilege. Well, think again; I’m only willing to RENT the same thing over and over.

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Unfinished Business

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One day... it shall be mine!

As I sit here writing this article about unfinished business; I find it ironic that I am listening to the soundtrack of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, simply because it is a game that I thought I would never finish. I played that game across two xboxes, and even two different discs (one stopped working). I did, however, finally finish it. After 100+ hours of play, I closed the last oblivion gate and thwarted the daedric invasion. It was a very satisfying feeling. Maybe not so much looking from the game out, but rather the fact that I had accomplished something that I never thought I would do. That game is MASSIVE, as I think we all as gamers know. As far as RPGs go it was just a giant time sink, with thousands of things to do, see, and well… kill.

Which brings me to the meat of this little piece: I have way too many games left, just from this year, to finish. As any gamer worth his weight in plastic peripherals knows, the couple months before Christmas is THE time to get big games. Last year the bigger titles were: L4D, Little Big Planet, Resistance 2, and the biggie Gears of War2. This year the list is probably twice as long and much more spread out over different genres. Games like Dragon Age:Origins, Assassin’s Creed 2, L4D2, and Modern Warfare 2 will satisfy the hardest of the hardcore. There are also games for people that are more casual with their games (not necessarily “casual games” however), games like Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Forza 3, Borderlands, and even the New Super Mario Brothers Wii game. Needless to say, the shelves have been stocked for a while with quality games for pretty much any kind of player.

Anyway… I now have sitting on my shelf in the gaming lair: AC2, NSMB Wii, Borderlands, Modern Warfare 2, Dragon Age: Origins, and Left 4 Dead 2. Of those 6 titles, I have finished a grand total of ONE, and that would be MW2, because the single player is like 5 hours. Although, I have started to go back and play through it on Veteran, which is taking up even more of my time. Point being, I have a LOT of unfinished business with my games. I have played quite a bit of each title (save DA:O) and thought I would at least write up my impressions of these games so far. We’ll start with the oldest first…

"Boom! Head shot!"

"Boom! Head shot!"

Borderlands is one of those games that you can just jump right into and have mindless fun with for hours. I am sure to catch a lot of flack for this (should anyone actually read this) but THIS is the game that I wanted Fallout 3 to be, so very badly. Not that Fallout was a bad game, I don’t think that, but it just never felt right to me. If you put a gun in a persons hand, set the camera behind the gun, and give me lots of targets to shoot at, I NEED the game to be more responsive and the controls to be tighter. Sorry. Fallout was way too slow and methodical, as a regular RPG should be, but not one with guns and a first person perspective. I enjoyed the game; it just didn’t satisfy enough of either genre to keep me interested. Borderlands, however, is a very satisfying game for me. Having four classes to choose from (Sniper, Tank, Soldier, and overpowered Chick) makes it a game that could possibly be played through several times with different effect.

Speaking of multiples… there are thousands and thousands of guns for you to find or buy in this game; literally. Granted, a VERY large chunk of them are pieces of junk that you will never use except for padding your wallet, but the few that are rare finds are well worth the search. Searching is something you will do a LOT of. Chests, lockers, safes, piles of garbage, sometimes even animal carcasses will have weapons or ammo in them. This game makes the loot factor in Diablo seem tiny and insignificant. Seriously, it’s just that overwhelming.

The controls are easy enough to manage if you have EVER played a FPS before. Everything functions as you would expect it to. The visuals are done in an almost “cell-shaded” way that makes them look almost cartoon like. It definitely adds to the visual style of the game, and sets it apart from just about all the first person shooters out there.

The biggest and probably most fun draw for this game is the Multiplayer. You can grab three of your friends and jump into a game. The person that hosts the game is the one that you will follow the story line and quests for. So say, if you have already finished a certain amount of quests, but your buddy hasn’t, you may still have to go back and play them again if you are playing in his game. Also the game scales to that person as well. So be careful getting into games with higher level characters because you may get your ass handed to you.

The story in Borderlands is, hmm… we’ll just say, thin. Actually, to be quite honest, I have almost no idea what it is about AT ALL. I know that I am some sort of mercenary or something, and I am looking for pieces to the “Vault”. There is some chick in my head that keeps telling me I am on the right path and doing the right thing, but I couldn’t tell you who she is or why she is talking to me. What I do know, is that this game does a great job of give you a fuck-ton of quests to accomplish, as well as giving you a rather large world to accomplish them in. If you are looking for a decent FPS that blends in simple RPG elements then this game is probably going to be a good match for you.

Also, this game just came out with what looks to be a rather fun DLC. It’s an entirely new island full of new monsters (ZOMBIES) and a few new weapons.

Seeing as how this article is a bit longer than I first expected it to be, I will post it in parts. You have just read (obviously) Part One. Part Two will be coming up soon, on one of the other games that I listed above. Probably with less exposition and filler.

The Iron Mic

The Iron Mic vs. Dragon Age: Origins

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Kotor was rather popular, and also good, but it’s time maybe to try making an RPG that isn’t essentially another thinly-veiled ripoff. If you can’t, then just make Kotor 3 and let me get my Star Wars fix already. I realize that it’s easy money, but at least try mixing it up a bit. Try rearranging the bones to come up with a new animal.

How about some menus that aren’t wheel-based? How about a game with more than 5 towns? How about an rpg where every conversation scene isn’t about tiptoeing around your crew of opinionated crybabies? How about a storage system that I don’t have to pay extra for?

There is little that annoys me as much as having to stop in the middle of a dungeon and decide which of my items will probably sell for less than others (and can be dropped/destroyed) so I can pick up the gift/weapon/potion/whatever that I’m not sure if I’ll need later in the game. Yeah, yeah. Here comes the argument that the game has backpacks for sale that increase inventory space for in-game gold. You know what games that sentence describes? Mmo grindfests; which are the bastion of offensive game design.

There are a few ways for (benevolent) developers to handle this. You can go the Final Fantasy route and let me carry x99 of any existing item, but no more than that; or you can try the Jagged Alliance design and give me a limited personal inventory with persistent drops (dropped items staying right where I fucking dropped them and never leaving unless I intentionally move them). If you don’t feel like coding either of those, you could just stop putting so damned many items in the game. I don’t need twenty similar swords to choose from if I don’t have the ability to carry them all.

Now, I haven’t played Torchlight, but I hear that you can sell things while in the middle of a dungeon. Word up on that. Perhaps other game companies could take that under advisement and add something similar in the future. And no, I’m not willing to pay an additional $10 for the convenience, you greedy assfunchkins.

You know what else sucks? The targeting. I have lost count of how many times I’ve accidentally targeted someone on my team instead of targeting an enemy. No, I wasn’t trying to open your conversation screen, I was trying to attack/loot/freeze that evil demon right fucking next to me. This would have been an easy fix: d-pad left/right for enemies, and up/down for friendlies. (I’m guessing this is the part where guys playing the PC version laugh at me derisively.)

Bottom line: I don’t hate Dragon Age. I’m going to play it all the way through. I might even play it a second time and play as a different class. Its formula keeps getting reused because it makes for a decent game. I just think that, at this point, they’ve gone to the trough too many times to not be called on it. If I spend more time thinking “that’s just like in [earlier game]” or “god dammit not again” than I do “that’s fucking sweet” it tends to obstruct my enjoyment of the game.

P.S — What the hell is with Morrigan only looking good in the one outfit? Change her armor and an entirely different body model is loaded. Bullshit.

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Tiger Woods Loves The Thong Song

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So this episode of the podcast is our Christmas, and Year End special. It’s special because we did it. That’s all we need. This time we discuss making up words, Tiger Woods, sex addiction, and how NOT to cut your balls off for your wife. Brian does his best to get me to put a song on the podcast that was for the “comedy aspect” and I put up a valiant fight. I did end up caving in the end, kinda.

Intro: The Chosen – Unearth

Outro: Thong Song – Sisqo

Play

Lucky 13

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Well… I call it episode 13, but I am not really sure if that is the actual number. Either way, it’s the return episode, well for most of us anyway. In this episode we talk a lot about, games actually. Modern Warfare 2, Forza 3, and games that really make us mad. We also discuss some movie news, as well as some sports. Enjoy it. Oh and hopefully we can get Brian a batch of pain killers and get him on the next show.

*Looking further into it, I think this is actually episode 15… but what’s in a name?*

**Also I re-edited the beginning and upped the volume a tad**

Intro: Kid Cudi – Soundtrack to My Life

Outro: Lupe Fiasco – Little Weapon

Play

Quarantine

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This one was recommended to me by several friends, so I decided to add it to the list. Surprisingly enough, I am glad that I did.

#17 Quarantine

quarantineAs the movie starts off, I got a bad feeling of deja vu. This movie felt much too much like the beginning of “The Blair Witch Project” and I was afraid that it would just be a cheap rip off. As it turns out, I was only partially correct. “Quarantine” is a movie that follows a “film crew” of two people that are shadowing a fire dept for a story they are doing for a local news show. Your main characters are Angela and Scott (nice name buddy). The entire movie is shot “shaky cam” style on a hand held video camera. The two go out on a call that appears at first to be routine, but turns out to be anything but. They arrive at an old apartment house to respond to a woman screaming, and find the woman has actually gone quite mad. From then on, shit goes down hill, and fast. Come to find out the buildings tenants are one by one being bitten and being infected with some form of advanced rabies. Think of it as like the virus in 28 Days Later, Rage. Super aggressive, and fast, almost zombie-like people. Oh and the building is sealed up by the CDC and other governmental offices so that the “infection” doesn’t get out. The rest of the film is all about them trying to do just that, get out. Save for one part in the end involving a baby, it wasn’t that surprising of a movie. Everything followed the path that similar movies follow. I was, however, impressed with the way that it went down this path. Taking out each character one by one was very vicious, and at times quite disgusting. I was satisfied with the movie as a whole though, and would probably recommend it to others. I know there is an original movie out there called [Rec] that this is based on so maybe I will watch that at some point. The ending wasn’t at all surprising, though what did surprise me was there was not epilogue, or “stinger” at the end. Maybe it is on the DVD release. Either way, it will probably fit nicely into the top five of the movies I have watched so far, and that’s gotta be worth something.

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