Now that I have somewhere to post, I can record the thoughts that usually swirl about my brain and trickle out in the form of self-directed mumbles while I’m in crowded, public places. I noticed this happening while I was playing through Dragon Age, and so, hammered out the last rant, hoping to relieve myself of the hushed voices. The fact that I was actually looking forward to Mass Effect has, I think, intensified the whole process to the point where I’m not going to be able to keep track of all the shit that irks me about this game. As such, I’m going to post my (hopefully spoiler-free) thoughts here. Feel free to join in.
– I don’t know what exactly caused it, but I was completely taken in by the first ME. Perhaps it’s because I very much enjoy sci-fi. I like it as a setting for most any story, far more than fantasy, as it has the eventual possibility of coming true. Humans discover vast technological stores and go on adventures spanning billions of miles? Sign me up. I read every planetary description, noting the color of the different gas giants and which chemicals on the barren desert planets were responsible for killing me if the red death-meter got too full. This time around, the game has managed to completely cut me off from the universe within. Oh, I’m not allowed to travel wherever I want anymore? I can’t land on planets and drive around, looking for things to kill/collect unless I pay you an extra $15? Fantastic. Sign up someone else this time.
– So, they went to the trouble of describing, in detail, why there was no such thing as ammunition scarcity in the first game. Mass drivers, and scrap metal slugs, and whatever. That was fine, I bought in; plausible explanation. Now: oh we’re sorry, we meant there IS ammo, but it’s not called ammo it’s called “thermal clips.” Great, now you’re just like every other game. Way to be.
– Where the hell is my inventory screen? Why is ammunition considered a “power” that not everyone can use? It’s ammunition: a physical object that fits into a gun. If it fits into one pistol, shouldn’t it fit into another identical pistol, regardless of who is holding onto it? While we’re on that, why can’t I carry whatever weapon I want to? Last time, you simply took into account that certain characters were trained in the use of, and therefor better with, certain weapons. Now my character is physically unable to find the “ON” switch to a rifle? And why can he carry two more weapons than anyone else? And why does my squad insist on entering combat wearing nothing more than bondage gear or a swimsuit?
– The sniper-time and hit locater are right up my alley. Anything that adds squishy headshots is OK in my book.
– At least the hack/bypass minigame isn’t a Simon-clone anymore.
– Man-faced broad is man-faced. (eww, man-faye)
– I really, REALLY hate what they did to the inventory system.
– Apparently a 7-year-old could hack the average Defense Robot.
– The Galaxy Map is tilted wrong and I can’t see what I’d like to. The listing of what quests are in which systems is nice, but perhaps wait until I highlight them to tell me rather than cluttering up the map.
– The Citadel got smaller. That’s exactly the wrong direction to head in; more exploration, not less.
– Fuel/Probes: an in-game currency drain necessary to continue playing. This isn’t an MMO (yet), let’s not try and make it more like one.
– This might fold into my dislike of the inventory system, but where are the stores? Am I to believe that, in the future, retail outlets will only carry two random items each and specialize in nothing?
– It takes me twenty minutes to scan a planet for resources, and I don’t even get to drive around while doing it.
– I’ll bet the PC version looks awesome, but it probably still has this same generic redhead I see repeated every 3 humans. Every game, Bioware; every fucking game with you the same thing.
– To steal a bit from Yahtzee: there sure are a lot of chest-high walls in this galaxy.
– I can assign a power to the d-pad OR use it to direct traffic, not both. What gives?
– The AI is better at telling my squad what to do than I am.
– This game has more unnecessary recurring characters than Episode I.
– Bioware must think they’ve found the recipe for the next smack, and they’re only willing to cut it but so much with parts of fantasy, sci-fi, or seaquest. It’s as if they expect people to buy the same product over and over, and then thank them for the privilege. Well, think again; I’m only willing to RENT the same thing over and over.
